Safe Harbor (The Lake Trilogy, Book 3) Page 5

  “What…um…what about the baby?” Will stutters. The realization, if all went well with the rest of her pregnancy Will has a sibling, has dawned on him.

  “Loretta had a healthy baby girl two months later.” Luke’s response is slow and guarded, not sure how Will is going to respond.

  “I have a sister. So that makes two siblings my father kept from me. I suppose he was secretly supporting them, too,” Will says. There’s deep disappointment in his voice, mourning the life he could have had if he had been allowed to have his siblings.

  “No, actually. Loretta contacted him when Erin was born but Greg wouldn’t even come see her. After a year of trying, Loretta sent him the papers and Greg relinquished his parental rights,” Luke says.

  “Does she know about my father…or me?” Will’s voice is still unsteady.

  “Yes, and she’d love to meet you,” Luke answers. “She’ll be at the hearing, but you’re under no obligation to meet her if you don’t want to, Will. She understands it could be quite difficult for you right now.”

  “Her name is Erin?” Will asks softly.

  “Yes. Erin Morcos Wagner. Loretta remarried when Erin was two and her husband adopted her. Wagner is her married name. And…she has a son, named David. ”

  Will is silent as he absorbs what Luke has just told him. I can’t imagine what he must be feeling right now, but betrayal tops my list of suppositions. Disgust tops the list of my personal feelings. Marcus was so right when he said that Will’s father was capable of unimaginable things. First he signs away all but his genetic connection to his first born child, then he sends Marcus’ mother to have an abortion. I try but just can’t wrap my brain around that kind of rejection. As mean as Gram was to me, she at least admitted I was hers.

  It takes a few minutes before Will can even try to speak. He opens his mouth a few times but all that comes out are breathy sounds. When he’s finally able to put a coherent statement together all he can say is, “I need some air.”

  Chapter 5

  Will takes my hand and leads me outside. We walk down the dock, pushing aside the branches and Spanish moss until we reach the end. We sit and I rub small circles on Will’s back for several minutes before he says anything.

  “I don’t know what to do, Layla,” he says, clearly devastated by this news. “I’m going to have to see my father’s ex-wives, people he betrayed, and now, my sister? I can handle all the others, but, Erin… I’ve already seen what my father’s rejection did to Marcus. It’s been twice as long with Erin. What’s she going to think of me? And what has she told her son? Oh my God, I have a nephew.” Will shakes his head in confusion.

  “She wants to meet you, Will,” I say softly. “If she didn’t want to meet you she would have told Luke.”

  “She’s going to hate me,” he says.

  “Why would she hate you?”

  “Because he chose me over her. Look what that did to Marcus.” Will puts his head in his hands, his body a crumpled mess of fearful emotions.

  “Marcus’s mother is a psychopath. That’s what pushed him over the edge. If his mother hadn’t made him go to Meyer all those times and ask to be taken in like some stray kitten, Marcus would still be alive today. It doesn’t sound like Loretta damaged Erin like Marcus’ mother did him. It sounds like she’s had a good life, actually.”

  “Layla…” Will begins but doesn’t say anything else.

  “Will…Loretta left him. It wasn’t like with the others. She made a choice based on what she thought was best for her and her baby. If she hadn’t made that choice, your father probably would have made it for her just like he did the others. That’s the saddest part really. His other wives didn’t have a choice. He kicked three of them to the curb, and he manipulated your mom into staying when she wanted to make a different choice for a better life.” I hold Will’s hand in both of mine, stroking the back of his hand with my thumb.

  “If Loretta had stayed with him, what do you think would have really happened?” Will’s voice is tired and sad. He’s been thrown a lot of information and gained even more revelations about his father in the last year and a half. He went from knowing that his father was a manipulative tyrant to seeing just how deep his depravity went.

  “You can’t do that, Will. Trust me. You can’t spend your life with asking yourself that.”

  “I live every day knowing that, for whatever reason, he chose me and my mom. He treated us like property to be leveraged, but he chose us nonetheless. He rejected Marcus, and now I find out he rejected Erin, too. We’re his children, not some mystery prize at an arcade. Oh, no, I didn’t want that one! I have to ask…it’s a valid question, Layla,” he argues.

  “Ok, I’ll indulge you,” I say with just the slightest tone of frustration. Will can be so stubborn sometimes. “Let’s just say Loretta stayed with him. Something happened to him, Will. According to what Luke said, it was like something snapped. A switch got flipped. He was angry and resentful toward Loretta and the baby. So, she would have had Erin, he still wouldn’t have cared, and in who knows how long he would have divorced her. Then however many years later, he still would have met someone else, married her, and then divorced her…and so on and so forth.” I sigh, gaining my composure. I can feel myself getting heated because I hate that Will is taking on and carrying the responsibility of his father’s choices. “I spent five years living in what if world because I blamed myself for my parents’ death. After Gramps died, it took me a long time to stop playing that game. My parents’ death was tragic, but the bottom line is if they didn’t die that night, I would never have met you. As much as we hate it, if your father hadn’t been a self-obsessed megalomaniac he wouldn’t have had a string of wives, which means he would never have met Eliana, and you wouldn’t be here. Sometimes a tragedy sends us down the path we’re supposed to be on so we can find what we’re meant to find. It isn’t pretty, but its life.

  “There are too many what ifs in life to account for them all, Will. Yeah, what if Erin hates you? That would be a terrible mistake on her part. But regardless of how she feels about you, you’re still going to move on with your life. We’re still going to get married. And we’re still going to live happily ever after.” I’ve said all I can say. Now I just have to hope that it’s made a difference. I want so desperately to reach him. He’s spent every moment that we’ve been together helping me put away my fear and self-doubt. He helped me push aside the pain of my past and embrace and move forward into my future.

  “Thank you for talking me down off the ledge,” he says after a heavy sigh. “I hate all the tragedy and lives torn apart along the way, but…we wouldn’t be here right now without them. If I didn’t have you, my life would be so incredibly sad and incomplete.” Will brushes the hair that the wind has casually blown into my face, and kisses me.

  “I will always talk you down off the ledge,” I tell him. I smile softly at this man sitting next to me – this man who is capable of amazing strength and yet is also so vulnerable. I am so incredibly blessed to be marrying a man who is the very best of both of my fathers.

  When we find Luke and Claire in the kitchen, Luke’s first concern is making sure Will is ok, like a father does with a son. He puts an arm around Will in a sign of unity between them. A sign that I hope Will receives.

  “You ok?” Luke asks Will.

  “Yeah, I’m good. I’d be lost without this girl right here, though,” Will says, taking my hand and kissing my knuckles. I just smile at him and let the joy of being there for Will fill me. “I need to know the plan, Luke.”

  “Of course. I’ll continue to commute between here and Charlotte, making sure Holly is properly represented. They haven’t set a date for her sentencing hearing yet, but I’m hoping to hear something by the end of June. I’ve asked the judge for some time to pull together some people to speak on her behalf. We’re also working on getting the charges lowered. In the meantime, we’ll move back as a family by Memorial Day weekend.” Luke mirrors my smile when h
e says we’re moving back as a family. Since Will and I have resolved some of our issues, and especially since we exchanged vows today, I actually feel good about moving back.

  “Where are Will, Eliana, and Wes going to live?” I ask. The thought of them living anywhere but with us is distressing. The potential for press hounding Will and Eliana is pretty high and I don’t like the idea of him getting trapped somewhere without me.

  “We have room at the house. We’ll have to set up some parameters for you two, but I think that will be best for everyone,” Luke says. He’s put on his dad voice, the one that asserts parental guidance while letting me know he trusts me at the same time.

  “Yay!” I throw my arms around Will’s neck and squeeze, practically knocking him down in the process. Will is here every day from when I wake up to when I go to sleep, and Wes and Eliana are inseparable, too. It just makes sense for them to live with us.

  “Thanks, Luke. We appreciate it,” Will says shaking Luke’s hand.

  “You’re going to be there all the time anyway,” Luke laughs. “Wes will still be on with us, and with the way things are going between him and Eliana, we know she’ll be there all the time, too. And…I know it’s not exactly what every newlywed couple dreams of, but, well, Claire and I were hoping you would live with us…after the wedding.” Luke’s face is soft and hopeful.

  “Really?” I ask, matching Luke’s soft tone. I haven’t thought about where Will and I will live after we get married. To be honest, I still have trouble thinking past the honeymoon.

  “You don’t have to answer now. We just want you to consider it,” Luke says.

  “Thank you, Luke. We appreciate the offer, and we’ll definitely consider it,” Will tells him. “Have you told my mom anything about the exes?”

  “Not yet, but Wes knows and he may have mentioned it to her. I didn’t tell him not to tell her.”

  “I’ll talk with her this weekend,” Will says. “Also in the meantime, we still have school. Let’s just get through the rest of the semester and deal with Davidson when we get to Davidson. Sound good?” Will has pulled me into his arms now and I’m looking up into his eyes. Will is saying that we can spend the next several weeks just being and that makes me so happy.

  “That’s the best plan I’ve ever heard,” I tell him.

  *****

  The weeks that come are spent with going to class, studying and just being. Will and I enjoy our final days on campus and continue spending time with our friends as if we weren’t coordinating how to bring Will Meyer back from the dead. In addition to Finn, we’ve told Dana, Jason, and Lisa about Will’s father dying and us moving back to Davidson. Dana and Lisa are happy that the wedding won’t be postponed indefinitely, and everyone shared their condolences even though Will told them he was never close with his father.

  Between school and having fun with our friends, we’ve fallen behind on packing. Eliana made Will promise that he’d spend the day packing or she was going to throw all of his stuff away. It was an empty threat and Will knew it, but he agreed and I haven’t seen him since the steamy kiss he gave me when he left last night.

  As I pull boxes from the garage I’m taken back to the day I unpacked Will’s ring. A well of feelings springs up in me. I remember how confused, but hopeful, I was. I knew he had given me the ring as a sign of some kind but didn’t know what. Later, he told me he gave the ring back to me in case I wanted to move on. That was the farthest thing from my mind. I could never move on from Will. He is my lifeline and best friend. He made it possible for me to finally be set free and walk through the dark tunnel I had been trapped in. He became the light at the end of the dark place I had been hiding, and I am eternally grateful to him for that.

  I’m trying to be organized as I pack, but all I can think of is just how much I hate packing. Every time I have packed up my life to move, and move far away at that, it’s been under stressful circumstances. The obvious first time being when I moved in with Gram and Gramps after Mom and Dad died. The next time I packed I was headed to a new life with Luke and Claire, followed by packing when we were exiled to Florida by Will’s father. And now…now I am packing again to go back to Davidson. I would have thought making that move would be joyful, but it isn’t. Like every other time I have packed up my life to move, I am headed into an unknown.

  I haven’t shared this with Will, but I’m just as nervous, if not more, than he is. The people in Davidson were always so wonderful, but I don’t know how they’re going to receive us. We deceived them, lied to them about Will and Eliana’s deaths. They mourned the loss of two great people, with practically the whole town showing up to the memorial service. I have no idea the impact that made on them and I don’t know if it was damaging enough to make us outcasts.

  “How’s the packing coming along?” Claire asks after giving a light triple-knock on the doorframe of my room.

  “It’s coming. I’ve quadrupled my possessions since I came to live with you, and doubled those since we’ve been in Tallahassee. I’m going to have to do a purge before we get back to Davidson,” I say as I contemplate the necessity of three summer scarves in three different shades of the same color.

  “Don’t say that too loudly or Luke will have me purging, too!” she laughs.

  “Mums the word!” I say echoing Claire’s laugh. “How about you? I’m sure you’re farther along in the process than I am.”

  “Yeah, but I’ve got packing down to a science. We moved around a lot when I was a kid,” she says. This is the first time she’s told me anything about her childhood.

  “Oh, yeah? Were your parents in the military or something?” I ask, realizing that I know absolutely nothing about Claire’s family.

  “No. It was just my mom and me. We were poorer than dirt and were constantly moving around from one free couch to crash on to another.” Her delivery is so matter-of-fact.

  “Where was your dad?” I feel confident that Claire and I have done more than just cross the threshold of being able to speak candidly with each other. We’ve lived in that candid place for quite some time now.

  “Well…when I was eight he came home and told my mom he didn’t want to be married to her anymore and that he was going to live with his other family,” she tells me. It seems like she’s come to terms with this being part of her life story. That the pain of it all doesn’t tear her apart anytime she talks about it.

  “His other family?” What the?

  “Apparently he had been building a life with this other woman. I don’t know how long it had been going on. They had a couple of kids who were younger than me, so I’d like to think he didn’t start out his marriage to my mom as a cheating a-hole. But…after he left, he never supported her, and she wasn’t the type to fight, so his a-hole status kind of solidified then.” Again, her delivery is so straight forward, like she’s talking about someone else. It gives me hope that one day I’ll be able to talk about my life with Gram without letting the pain of that experience be a constant.

  “So I guess you understand a little bit of what Will is feeling about meeting Erin, huh?”

  “I do, but more from her side. My dad chose his other wife and his other kids over us. It’s not their fault. I thought about reaching out to them, but had to consider why I would be doing it. I have no idea how they felt about our father. I don’t know what kind of a father he was to them. He wasn’t around that much for me even before he left us. But…if I were to meet them, it would be to tell them that I don’t blame them for the choices my father made. Things were hard with my mom, but we had a good life. We had each other.”

  “Do you think that’s why Erin wants to meet Will? To maybe let him off the hook?” I ask hopefully. It would mean so much to me if she were coming to relieve Will of the burden he’s recently taken on.

  “I think so. Luke said she’s actually excited about meeting Will,” Claire says with a smile.

  “That’s good. Where are your parents now?”

  “My mom passed awa
y ten years ago from breast cancer. And apparently my father died six years ago, but his wife didn’t feel the need to tell me until four years ago. I suppose it doesn’t matter since I hadn’t seen him since I was ten, and that was just because we ran into him in the grocery store. I became just as cut off from my father as Erin, or even Will, became from Greg. The thing that made me sad about my father’s death was that I wasn’t sad about his death.” Claire takes the scarves I was holding and puts them in the box. “You need all three of these,” she smiles.

  “Thanks, Mom,” I tell her.

  “You’re welcome, sweetheart. Find a good stopping place soon. Will and Eliana will be here for dinner in about an hour.” With that, Claire exits my room having bestowed on me some life-experience wisdom that I’m going to write on my heart and carry with me always.

  That was by far the best conversation I’ve ever had with Claire. These are the kind of conversations I wanted to have with my mother. It felt so normal, so real. It made her feel even more like my mom, and me even more like her daughter. I like feeling like a daughter.

  Chapter 6

  After weeks of packing and wrapping up my studies at Florida State, we are finally headed home. We spent almost two years being exiled from the only place that has felt like home to me since my parents died and my feelings of excitement are finally outweighing my anxiety.

  Claire thought ahead with this move and had the moving company come the day before we were actually leaving. They packed up all the furniture and it was delivered to our home in Davidson today. Caroline’s mom met them at the house and directed them on where to put everything. Claire thought it would feel more like coming home if our furniture was already there.